bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
