At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
