I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
