I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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