It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
