Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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