is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
