Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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