We won't sleep together?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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