Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
