i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
