If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
