where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
