can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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