WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
