shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
