She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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