Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
