Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
