Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize