The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why didn't you poke me back
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
