he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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