i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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