i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
