just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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