roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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