I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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