I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He had one of those small greek statue penises
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
not ubering you a puppy
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