i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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