Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
