I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
