You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
