I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
