Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
