I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
