I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
