Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
