I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize