And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
