He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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