i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
