You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
