Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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