maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I show you my penis last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
