so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
