And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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