you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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