Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
