I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We are two peas in an std pod
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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