well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
