we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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