I'm jealous of your bromance
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
