I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
