I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Never joke about your clitoris.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
