Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
