doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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