i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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