she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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