Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
