I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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