I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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