Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
