The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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