I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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