he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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