Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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