those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
