Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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