At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
