He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
