i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize