were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize