I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
