Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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