That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
