The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
